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So, this might be a long post…so just read what you can..and thanks in advance for finishing if you do. Anyways, I’ll give some brief bullet points about how id describe my mental issues: I am now 21 years old. I’ve had OCD in various forms (manifested in different rituals/obsessions..mostly religiously motivated and late heavily germophoic) at various periods of time throughout my life. It got very bad when i was 16-18..calmed down at 19 or so…and had decline since the4n although now i still have issues with germs and excessive hand washing. Also, throughout my life i have been very quiet and shy. However, when i started working at grocery store at 16…I gradually became more and more social. I made several friends from my job and became much more comfortable socially. However, this was only with male friends. Truth is I’ve never had a girlfriend or really an significant female friends. And even in childhood I have been obsessed with having the companionship of girls/women. If you’re familiar with the term “love shy”…the symptoms of it describe me perfectly. This issue coupled with trying to adjust to college hasn’t been good for me. I have been out of school for a year. I plan on going back but I’m super worried if I don’t get some kind of treatment ill just leave again. I think my anxiety also makes it hard for me to study/stay focused…I also was trying to work too much. I’ll most likely drop my hours lower if/when i go back. But the interesting thing is that, I’ve often had issues with feeling inadequate/inferior to women, and not deserving of their approval/friendship etc. As I struggle With school and girls in my high school/that I knew continued to be successful with their studies..I felt more and more hopeless. I began to research statistics on boys and girl in school. I found of course that boys are academically behind girls more and more. This made me identify myself as another male who can’t sit still and get his life together. I felt really hopeless. I took offense to all kinds of jokes and casual things girls often say about guys. And it actually caused me to lash out in some ways that I think are odd. Let me first clarify that I have never been a socially conservative person or someone that has some devotion to preserving “traditional” gender roles or anything like that. But I had an incident where i read a review of the movie “teeth” on a feminist blog…(wikipedia it, if ur unfamiliar with the movie) For some reason I felt compelled to comment on the post and rant against the movie as promoting misandry. I also began to get involved with anti–abortion groups etc. TO be honest, I would describe myself as pro-life…but I honestly dot care too much. I’m actually somewhat neutral in that i see both sides of the issue. I’m fairly liberal in my other political views so more often than not..i vote for democrats However, I think that i was using the issue as a way to vent. My theory is that abortion to me represents a woman having power to destroy male influence on her. That she can have sex and conceive and have zero ties to the act if she conceives. I became really upset also at the possibility that a woman can abort without the father’s consent. I realize pro-lifers are motivated by concern for unborn babies..but honestly for me..while i believe in the concept of rights for an unborn child…i didn’t REALLY care about them. I just wanted to feel like women still had some obligations. Because the thing that bothers me the most is that I’ll never be able to be worth anything to any woman. Is there any therapy or help I can get? I don’t even know how to urnavel thsi or if i can talk about with someone.

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