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Open Question: My 3 year relationship is on break?

Moderator — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 00:02:27 +0000

So I posted a question a few days ago about how my relationship just ended. This was before we talked some things out.Here’s the thing, he’s Cuban, and I’m not. We are latino, but our cultures are different.My parents have basically ruined my relationship, and hurt this guy not because they don’t accept it or anything like that, but because my parents have never really reached out to his parents in any way. My dad has accepted and even does care about my bf, but when his parents have reached out and tried to form that special familial bond that really does matter when you plan on marrying each other and having a future together, mine just don’t care. My parents don’t have such a nice relationship, they have so many problems themselves in their own relationship, but I’ve always learned from that and done my best not to let my relationship fall down the same hole.Here’s what’s really messed up my bf mind:-My mom isn’t christian at all, barely believes in God, and she has a really bad temper and attitude with everyone even me and my brothers, and there have been so many times that she disrespects him (the bf) and makes him so angry because she doesn’t know how to treat people.-My dad and the rest of my fam. do have our faith in God and being christian, but because of their marriage problems, ever since I can remember my dad has a tendency to be cold with certain people and friendly with others (not very christian I know). So it obviously isn’t nice on his part to be invited by my bf’s parents to eat lunch at their home after church and say no thanks, but then to be invited by someone else in the church and accept the invitation with no problems. It’s just not right, and I know how disrespectful and offensive that is to them and I’ve always felt so angry because my dad just dismissed it like it was nothing.-A few months ago, his dad had an accident at work (he does small jobs like fixing sinks and putting down floors and all that) and he got his finger cut off and he was in pain (its a finger sliced off not a cold) and my parents knew and my dad has both his parents’ numbers and he didn’t even bother to call once and ask how he was doing, and he never called during the whole relationship not even to just talk with them seeing as their son is in a long-term relationship with their only daughter…-_-..-And all this has been going on for almost 3 years!!!Like come on!I hate how this one factor has changed everything, it makes it impossible for my bf to not associate all these negative feelings and memories with me, and I would feel the same if I was in his place. It’s easy to say that if he really loves me he won’t care but when your parents are being disrespected by the family of the next most important thing in your life, what are you supposed to do.I know this has been really long, and if you’ve read this far then thanks, and now my question is:Has anyone else gone through this??How am I supposed to get my guy back, how am I going to get him to stop thinking all these negative things about us after all this??For now I’m giving him his time, and trying not to let it get to me, but I’m scared that he might just be too defeated and never want to be with me again after all these years. I’m leaving it in God’s hands, and I know that this isn’t over, but I need to do something about all this.How do I talk to my parents about all this??If you’ve been through this before then please help me out.Thanks for your time.

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Open Question: Why would he get so upset over this “break up” if we were never official?

Moderator — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 22:02:43 +0000

We dated for like maybe two and a half weeks. We were friends for four months before, and used to talk for like hours almost everynight. We were so tight. I ended up liking him, and as we got closer we started sleeping together and spooning everynight (no sex). Then he kissed me, and we ended up having really intense long make out sessions everynight. Our relationship was so cute. I was so so happy. He made me laugh and smile and he was so sweet. It was really emotional too, and we had so much serious sexual chemistry. The main problem was that we had never spoke about what was happening to our friendship. Almost like we were in denial that we were actually dating. So most people assumed something was going on between us, but it seemed like we were still friends. But I mean, I know he treated me different than his other friends….cuz he texted me all day wanting to know how im doing and everything. He also lives across the hall, so when we arent in class, we are always together. What I really loved tho, is how was genuinely is interested in everything i had to say and he remembers every little thing about me. even minor things I have touched upon months ago! When i was sick, he would offer to take care of me… he was just so sweet. He did everything without question. He always went out of his way to make sure im okay or to help me with whatever I need. He put me first. No one had ever treated me with that much civility so it was very nice. (also, he wasnt just doing it to “get in my pants”. he never even tried or asked for sex from me. he just did these things because he genuinely wanted to) We both mutually said we had feelings for eachother. Three separate times. I tried asking him where we stood,but he never gave me an answer. I think that he completely misinterpreted what I was saying. He thought I meant we should be official, and I meant that we should come to terms of what we are doing and where our friendship is, because CLEARLY there is something going on between us. So on facebook chat I blurted out to him that I was frustrated that we never talked about “this stuff” about our thing, and he said he was afraid to,because he didnt know yet how he should feel and what he wanted to do. He said I wasnt a genuinely nice person and that I was really nice to him but not to others. (not true at all!!!) Then he said we had nothing in common and that he was afraid I didnt accept him for who he was. (he knew i adored him!). I got really put off by that, because he was kissing me so much, in bed with me (we are both virgins so no sex) and doing so much for me, that I didnt understand. So I told him what we did was a mistake. He was probably suprised that I said that. Then he said we could still be friends and I just couldnt bring myself to do that. I was devestated. After that, it was never the same. I would try to talk to him, but he was really rude to me in his replies to me, and he would make excuses not to see me. Then he blocked me on facebook and never spoke to me again…..but he is friends with my friends so its really awkward. Was he just really hurt? He had told me before I was the first one to actually like him back like that (i find this hard to believe tho)@Ryan, he never asked me to be official though. He did ask me before we ended like a day before “can you picture us as a couple?” i said “yeah, can you?” and he said “sure….”

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Open Question: When he said I wasnt nice, was that an excuse? did he want to stop seeing me? his words didnt match w/actions?

Moderator — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 00:02:22 +0000

We dated for like maybe two and a half weeks. We were friends for four months before, and used to talk for like hours almost everynight. We were so tight. I ended up liking him, and as we got closer we started sleeping together and spooning everynight (no sex). Then he kissed me, and we ended up having really intense long make out sessions everynight. Our relationship was so cute. I was so so happy. He made me laugh and smile and he was so sweet. It was really emotional too, and we had so much serious sexual chemistry. The main problem was that we had never spoke about what was happening to our friendship. Almost like we were in denial that we were actually dating. So most people assumed something was going on between us, but it seemed like we were still friends. But I mean, I know he treated me different than his other friends….cuz he texted me all day wanting to know how im doing and everything. He also lives across the hall, so when we arent in class, we are always together. What I really loved tho, is how was genuinely is interested in everything i had to say and he remembers every little thing about me. even minor things I have touched upon months ago! When i was sick, he would offer to take care of me… he was just so sweet. He did everything without question. He always went out of his way to make sure im okay or to help me with whatever I need. He put me first. No one had ever treated me with that much civility so it was very nice. (also, he wasnt just doing it to “get in my pants”. he never even tried or asked for sex from me. he just did these things because he genuinely wanted to) We both mutually said we had feelings for eachother. Three separate times. I tried asking him where we stood,but he never gave me an answer. I think that he completely misinterpreted what I was saying. He thought I meant we should be official, and I meant that we should come to terms of what we are doing and where our friendship is, because CLEARLY there is something going on between us. So on facebook chat I blurted out to him that I was frustrated that we never talked about “this stuff” about our thing, and he said he was afraid to,because he didnt know yet how he should feel and what he wanted to do. He said I wasnt a genuinely nice person and that I was really nice to him but not to others. (not true at all!!!) Then he said we had nothing in common and that he was afraid I didnt accept him for who he was. (he knew i adored him!). I got really put off by that, because he was kissing me so much, in bed with me (we are both virgins so no sex) and doing so much for me, that I didnt understand. So I told him what we did was a mistake. He was probably suprised that I said that. Then he said we could still be friends and I just couldnt bring myself to do that. I was devestated. After that, it was never the same. I would try to talk to him, but he was really rude to me in his replies to me, and he would make excuses not to see me. Then he blocked me on facebook and never spoke to me again…..but he is friends with my friends so its really awkward. Was he just really hurt? He had told me before I was the first one to actually like him back like that (i find this hard to believe tho)I dont get it! This is SO unlike him! He used to be so sweet and friendly! He would never do something like this!He did ask me before we ended like a day before “can you picture us as a couple?” i said “yeah, can you?” and he said “sure….”People dont just change like this….all this crap about me not being nice was out of the blue…he never showed that he felt this way before….it was the most shocking thing..

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Open Question: Why did he get so bitter and angry over this “break up”? he never spoke to me again! Why so rude?

Moderator — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 00:02:33 +0000

We dated for like maybe two and a half weeks. We were friends for four months before, and used to talk for like hours almost everynight. We were so tight. I ended up liking him, and as we got closer we started sleeping together and spooning everynight (no sex). Then he kissed me, and we ended up having really intense long make out sessions everynight. Our relationship was so cute. I was so so happy. He made me laugh and smile and he was so sweet. It was really emotional too, and we had so much serious sexual chemistry. The main problem was that we had never spoke about what was happening to our friendship. Almost like we were in denial that we were actually dating. So most people assumed something was going on between us, but it seemed like we were still friends. But I mean, I know he treated me different than his other friends….cuz he texted me all day wanting to know how im doing and everything. He also lives across the hall, so when we arent in class, we are always together. What I really loved tho, is how was genuinely is interested in everything i had to say and he remembers every little thing about me. even minor things I have touched upon months ago! When i was sick, he would offer to take care of me… he was just so sweet. He did everything without question. He always went out of his way to make sure im okay or to help me with whatever I need. He put me first. No one had ever treated me with that much civility so it was very nice. (also, he wasnt just doing it to “get in my pants”. he never even tried or asked for sex from me. he just did these things because he genuinely wanted to)We both mutually said we had feelings for eachother. Three separate times. I tried asking him where we stood,but he never gave me an answer. I think that he completely misinterpreted what I was saying. He thought I meant we should be official, and I meant that we should come to terms of what we are doing and where our friendship is, because CLEARLY there is something going on between us. So on facebook chat I blurted out to him that I was frustrated that we never talked about “this stuff” about our thing, and he said he was afraid to,because he didnt know yet how he should feel and what he wanted to do. He said I wasnt a genuinely nice person and that I was really nice to him but not to others. (not true at all!!!) Then he said we had nothing in common and that he was afraid I didnt accept him for who he was. (he knew i adored him!). I got really put off by that, because he was kissing me so much, in bed with me (we are both virgins so no sex) and doing so much for me, that I didnt understand.So I told him what we did was a mistake. He was probably suprised that I said that. Then he said we could still be friends and I just couldnt bring myself to do that. I was devestated.After that, it was never the same. I would try to talk to him, but he was really rude to me in his replies to me, and he would make excuses not to see me. Then he blocked me on facebook and never spoke to me again…..but he is friends with my friends so its really awkward.Was he just really hurt? He had told me before I was the first one to actually like him back like that (i find this hard to believe tho)I dont get it! This is SO unlike him! He used to be so sweet and friendly! He would never do something like this!He did ask me before we ended like a day before “can you picture us as a couple?” i said “yeah, can you?” and he said “sure….”

More: continued here

Open Question: Why would he act like this out of the blue and say im not nice, when i confront him? i thought we were in love?

Moderator — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 23:02:16 +0000

We dated for like maybe two and a half weeks. We were friends for four months before, and used to talk for like hours almost everynight. We were so tight. I ended up liking him, and as we got closer we started sleeping together and spooning everynight (no sex). Then he kissed me, and we ended up having really intense long make out sessions everynight. Our relationship was so cute. I was so so happy. He made me laugh and smile and he was so sweet. It was really emotional too, and we had so much serious sexual chemistry. The main problem was that we had never spoke about what was happening to our friendship. Almost like we were in denial that we were actually dating. So most people assumed something was going on between us, but it seemed like we were still friends. But I mean, I know he treated me different than his other friends….cuz he texted me all day wanting to know how im doing and everything. He also lives across the hall, so when we arent in class, we are always together. What I really loved tho, is how was genuinely is interested in everything i had to say and he remembers every little thing about me. even minor things I have touched upon months ago! When i was sick, he would offer to take care of me… he was just so sweet. He did everything without question. He always went out of his way to make sure im okay or to help me with whatever I need. He put me first. No one had ever treated me with that much civility so it was very nice. (also, he wasnt just doing it to “get in my pants”. he never even tried or asked for sex from me. he just did these things because he genuinely wanted to) We both mutually said we had feelings for eachother. Three separate times. I tried asking him where we stood,but he never gave me an answer. I think that he completely misinterpreted what I was saying. He thought I meant we should be official, and I meant that we should come to terms of what we are doing and where our friendship is, because CLEARLY there is something going on between us. So on facebook chat I blurted out to him that I was frustrated that we never talked about “this stuff” about our thing, and he said he was afraid to,because he didnt know yet how he should feel and what he wanted to do. He said I wasnt a genuinely nice person and that I was really nice to him but not to others. (not true at all!!!) Then he said we had nothing in common and that he was afraid I didnt accept him for who he was. (he knew i adored him!). I got really put off by that, because he was kissing me so much, in bed with me (we are both virgins so no sex) and doing so much for me, that I didnt understand. So I told him what we did was a mistake. He was probably suprised that I said that. Then he said we could still be friends and I just couldnt bring myself to do that. I was devestated. After that, it was never the same. I would try to talk to him, but he was really rude to me in his replies to me, and he would make excuses not to see me. Then he blocked me on facebook and never spoke to me again…..but he is friends with my friends so its really awkward. Was he just really hurt? He had told me before I was the first one to actually like him back like that (i find this hard to believe tho)I dont get it! This is SO unlike him! He used to be so sweet and friendly! He would never do something like this!He did ask me before we ended like a day before “can you picture us as a couple?” i said “yeah, can you?” and he said “sure….”

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Open Question: I’m suffering from something I’d call “long-term apathy”, I really need help… It’s ruining my life.?

Moderator — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 00:02:18 +0000

Everyday is the same to me, every person is the same to me, regardless of my relationship with them (family, lover, stranger, etc). I don’t feel love, I don’t feel hate, I don’t feel sadness, I don’t feel happiness, all I feel is flattened emptiness. I haven’t cried in over 6 years (I’m 19 now). It’s not just that I feel flat (i.e. nothing at all), but I feel flat towards EVERYTHING. I just. Don’t. Care. I remember as a kid, I used to be so passionate about things. I used to go places, and see people because I cared about them. Now, I only do these things when I’m pressured to. This means I have no motivation to do anything. ANYTHING. There’s no instinctive WANT to get things done like there used to. All that’s left of me is a robot of learned habits. I feel that even if a loved one passed away, I’d feel nothing…. I’ve felt like this for the last 6 years or so. This has affected my love life quite a lot, as I don’t actually FEEL anything towards my partners, as much as I like to be with them (that might seem contradictory, but it’s not… If you STRONGLY feel that is being contradictory, I’ll edit and explain. I’m not bothered otherwise). This has also affected my social habits, as I don’t ever want to meet up with people or get to know them.I’m unemployed, and have been my whole life. Getting a job is impossible for me to do by myself. It’s not just a matter of submitting an application to me. I instinctively don’t care about my financial stability, no matter how much I consciously want to care about it. That isn’t an easy concept to understand, so I’ll explain it like this: Imagine you’re performing a speech in front of an audience, and you are being marked on your confidence. As much as you WANT to feel comfortable and confident, being in front of the crowd instinctively makes you nervous.So here are my questions: If emotions are chemical-based, why have they stopped/How have I become so desensitized? Is there some sort of medication to actually INCREASE (rather than suppress) my emotional level? How is it that over a period of a year or two, I innately stopped caring about things? Are there documented cases of people in my situation who have been “cured”?If you need additional info, just ask.

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Open Question: Fish in a bucket, emergencey aunt dropped them off for no real reason please help me?

Moderator — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 01:02:43 +0000

I’d rather not just kill them that would suck cuz theres no local aquariums, none of my friends want them and I can’t release them into a local lake..they are fairly young juveniles right now but I want long term..here’s the thing I have absolutley no other place for these fish to go..right now they are cramped in a white car washing bucket with freshwater no food,and look uncomforatble. I only have a 30 gallon long tank in my house and a 20 gallon tall that are old but usable, they only have a filter and lightbulb no heater..(not sure if the light bulb provides any heat) anyway the fish in the bucket are:- 1 baby pacu (only about 2″) (can possibly give away not sure though so count him in..)- 1 common pleco (only about 4″ or so i’d estimate without actually measuring)- 1 algae eater (might have a giveaway for this one)- a bala shark- some type of buenos ares tetra I think there are about 3..they are really cramped in here..how can I make this work..I only have $175.00 max to invest in any type of tank..paying my mortgage is top priority right now..but can I temporarly put these guys in the tanks I have..how can I set this up to make it work..?the bala, the pleco and the tetras have no possible homes though..17 minutes ago - 4 days left to answer. Additional Detailsthis is dead serious..she just came by she’s kinda weird and buys people stuff they never need, two years ago she literally bought my brother a couple chickens cuz he joked about asking for them for christmas.she brought my uncle a monkey on whim..she’s a crazy lady. I actually care about these fish though and want to help them.

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Open Question: Can you name this politician?

Moderator — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 00:02:28 +0000

(Hint its not 0bama).Signed an assault weapons ban.Implemented a health care mandate.Supported massive bail outs for huge corporations.A long history of supporting abortion.Only had a 34% approval rating at the end of his term.Has supported cap and tax.

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Voting Question: When to decide to put your dog down?

Moderator — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 00:02:30 +0000

I am having the hardest time deciding what to do for my dog Adam. He’s a 7 year old male Pit Bull that I rescued about 6 months ago. He was dumped in a friends neighborhood and I immediately decided to take him in after getting a phone call from my friend. I currently have a 2 year old female Pit Bull and they fell in love immediately. After taking Adam to the vet I came to learn that he was considered a “senior” dog and he has arthritis in his hips, hind legs, and in his paws (I know that sounds weird but his toes are visibly separated and spread farther than normal). With all that said and done, he’s a wonderful dog and played and wagged his tail as much as possible or as much as his body allowed. So now he has another injury, he is not putting any weight on his hind left leg and yelps whenever he gets up from laying down. After another trip to the vet and X-rays and IV’s later he has a fracture but not one that requires a cast. I took him to the vet and got a second opinion because I thought that was wrong and the second vet said the same thing. SO his leg is wrapped up in something that “provides support” but its not a cast. I am giving him pain meds and keeping him away from my other dog during the day (which is usually when they get rough and take off all the pillows on the couch), as advised by the second vet, no rough playing or allowing them to be alone if I can’t watch their every move. Adam stays inside, I pick him up to go out (because he can’t go down stairs) and now he is not eating like he should. He’s lost at least 7 pounds and even though he is taking pain meds he is still yelping if he gets up too fast or if he bumps the doorway. I have to put food in his mouth to spark his interest to eat sometimes. HE JUST SEEMS LIKE HES IN PAIN and the sound of him yelping makes me feel like I haven’t done enough- I just feel terrible and I don’t want him to suffer! And now its going on 4 weeks and I feel like I’m letting him suffer and the vet told me that his leg is not healing like it should and it probably never will!I did some research on senior pit bulls and one of the things I read is that they can develop problems in their bones because of over breeding and in-breeding. Then I read that dogs can develop problems due to malnutrition and I really wish I knew what his life was like before god brought him to me but i don’t, but when i found him his hips were sticking out through his skin and his eyes were runny and he had diarrhea. I gave him the best food possible and did everything the vet said and even though I did that the vet said he could have been malnourished since birth and that has long term effects on a dogs development. So after weeks of consultations and loving him and caring for him I have spoken to several people, vets, etc. I was advised to put him to sleep. And I can’t settle with that option. He is still wagging his tail when I call his name and his eyes still light up when he sees me. Its not fair that this is the CHOICE THAT I HAVE TO MAKE! But my vet told me to think about his pain and how his body is effected by age and bad decisions made by someone else. Even with all the pain killers he is not living like he should, he is either too numb from the pain killers to like on his own or not feeling the power of the pain killers enough. The arthritis medicine is not enough, just walking causes him pain. After another consultation, after thousands spent, I was told that I need to make a decision now. I am a college student and I’ve moved out of my old place just so I could have a second dog, I have spent more money than I know any other grad student has, I have grown to love this dog and I he has become a part of my family, I wanted to get him into a healthy state so he could spend the rest of his life happy in a loving home, I feel as though I have invested so much love and sadness and even my heart and Adams as well that it would be so hard to say it was all for nothing. I know this is long but someone please tell me what to do? Give me suggestions? Anything?

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Open Question: Was he really that into me? Why is he so mad now? He was the one that made a hurtful excuse…?

Moderator — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 22:02:16 +0000

We dated for like maybe two and a half weeks. We were friends for four months before, and used to talk for like hours almost everynight. We were so tight. I ended up liking him, and as we got closer we started sleeping together and spooning everynight (no sex). Then he kissed me, and we ended up having really intense long make out sessions everynight. Our relationship was so cute. I was so so happy. He made me laugh and smile and he was so sweet. It was really emotional too, and we had so much serious sexual chemistry. The main problem was that we had never spoke about what was happening to our friendship. Almost like we were in denial that we were actually dating. So most people assumed something was going on between us, but it seemed like we were still friends. But I mean, I know he treated me different than his other friends….cuz he texted me all day wanting to know how im doing and everything. He also lives across the hall, so when we arent in class, we are always together. What I really loved tho, is how was genuinely is interested in everything i had to say and he remembers every little thing about me. even minor things I have touched upon months ago! When i was sick, he would offer to take care of me… he was just so sweet. He did everything without question. He always went out of his way to make sure im okay or to help me with whatever I need. He put me first. No one had ever treated me with that much civility so it was very nice. (also, he wasnt just doing it to “get in my pants”. he never even tried or asked for sex from me. he just did these things because he genuinely wanted to) We both mutually said we had feelings for eachother. Three separate times. I tried asking him where we stood,but he never gave me an answer. I think that he completely misinterpreted what I was saying. He thought I meant we should be official, and I meant that we should come to terms of what we are doing and where our friendship is, because CLEARLY there is something going on between us. So on facebook chat I blurted out to him that I was frustrated that we never talked about “this stuff” about our thing, and he said he was afraid to,because he didnt know yet how he should feel and what he wanted to do. He said I wasnt a genuinely nice person and that I was really nice to him but not to others. (not true at all!!!) Then he said we had nothing in common and that he was afraid I didnt accept him for who he was. (he knew i adored him!). I got really put off by that, because he was kissing me so much, in bed with me (we are both virgins so no sex) and doing so much for me, that I didnt understand. So I told him what we did was a mistake. He was probably suprised that I said that. Then he said we could still be friends and I just couldnt bring myself to do that. I was devestated. After that, it was never the same. I would try to talk to him, but he was really rude to me in his replies to me, and he would make excuses not to see me. Then he blocked me on facebook and never spoke to me again…..but he is friends with my friends so its really awkward. Was he just really hurt? He had told me before I was the first one to actually like him back like that (i find this hard to believe tho)I dont get it! This is SO unlike him! He used to be so sweet and friendly! He would never do something like this!He did ask me before we ended like a day before “can you picture us as a couple?” i said “yeah, can you?” and he said “sure….”

More: continued here